Question about who hosts a bridal shower

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Question about who hosts a bridal shower

Postby futuremrswheels » Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:18 pm

My cousin lives in Florida, but all of our family lives in Missouri. The majority of our family cannot afford to travel to Florida for the wedding, so there is a lot more pressure to do something in Missouri for her.

All of the bridesmaids who are her friends live in Florida, and her sister (maid of honor) and me live in Missouri. I asked the bride when there was going to be a shower in Missouri, and she said that she didn't know of one. I sent a message to all of the bridesmaids and both mother of the bride and mother of the groom, and they all seemed to think that it should be MY responsibility because I live in Missouri. I am fine with stepping up to help host, but I can't host in St. Louis because everyone lives three hours away. The bride's sister just moved off to college (freshman) and can't afford to throw a shower. So I sent my aunt (bride's mom) telling her that I have no problem helping host a shower but I just can't afford to do it all by myself, since it will likely be a large shower since no one can come to the wedding. She never responded to me.

Is it wrong of me to ask her to financially help me out to host the shower, since her daughter, who is a freshman in college, should be responsible to host, or at least help host, and cannot afford to financially do so? I just don't think that it should all fall on me to do this. I am already spending so much money to fly to Florida in December, board our dog, rent a hotel, rent a car, buy a dress, pay for alterations, hair, nails, makeup...it's just getting so expensive and I can't afford all of this!
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Re: Question about who hosts a bridal shower

Postby k.linn » Tue Aug 25, 2015 10:12 am

It sounds like you already have your answer (the no response). I think you've offered all that you can, and I really wouldn't stress about it. If her mom was agreeable to helping you financially, then I think she would have already stepped up to the plate. You're not in the wedding, right? I don't think it will reflect poorly on you--the MOH should be coordinating, at the very least. The only other possibility is if there are other aunts or cousins who could help host?
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Re: Question about who hosts a bridal shower

Postby jennelled » Tue Aug 25, 2015 11:17 am

It sounds like she's not willing to help, although you could try asking her directly if she can contribute based on the reasons you mentioned here. Some people just don't get hints. :dontknow:

To clarify, you are a bridesmaid, right?

I'm not sure where your family lives, but three hours from StL sounds rural. Rural means cheaper shower options! :) Many churches will let you use their fellowship hall for free, especially if you have a family member who attends. If you schedule it at an off-hour, like 2PM, I think you can get away with just drinks and dessert. Cake or cupcakes from Sam's or Costco are super reasonable. Actually, my shower cakes were from Walmart. They were tiered, and reasonably priced as well. If you add in just a few decorations (repurpose things you may already have?) for the main table, I think you can call that a shower. Vistaprint or Costco for invitations. Absolutely don't worry about any sort of favor, although you could do something small for game prizes.

I bet you could do it all for less than $150, assuming you get a free location. Of course, that's still $150 out of your pocket...but maybe you could approach other family members to help?
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Re: Question about who hosts a bridal shower

Postby futuremrswheels » Wed Aug 26, 2015 8:51 am

Yes, I am a bridesmaid in the wedding.

Do you think it is acceptable to ask the bride's sister in law (who is not in the wedding) to help out?

I like the idea of having a shower in the early afternoon, so people are not expecting a meal. It will help save on costs. The bride's sister responded back to me that we can have it in the fellowship hall of their church (not sure if this is free, but I will ask) and I think I might straight up ask her what our budget is for the shower so she understands that I expect for her to financially contribute.

The shower will be in Lebanon, MO. None of the aunts who live in town can afford to financially do so (one is unemployed, the other is my mom who works at O'Reilly's and cannot afford to financially contribute.)

I was looking into possibly ordering custom invites online, but most are about $2 per invite which might end up being too costly, since I don't have an invite list at the moment. Does anyone know where I can find pre-made bridal shower invites that match our theme (purple and champagne/nude)?
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Re: Question about who hosts a bridal shower

Postby jennelled » Wed Aug 26, 2015 9:51 am

futuremrswheels wrote:Do you think it is acceptable to ask the bride's sister in law (who is not in the wedding) to help out?

I was looking into possibly ordering custom invites online, but most are about $2 per invite which might end up being too costly, since I don't have an invite list at the moment. Does anyone know where I can find pre-made bridal shower invites that match our theme (purple and champagne/nude)?

Yes, I think you could ask her. I know it's traditionally a BM's responsibility, but even if she's not in the wedding, she may appreciate being included in something.

Don't spend that much on invites! You should definitely be able to find something more reasonable at Costco, Sams, Walmart, Vistaprint...
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Re: Question about who hosts a bridal shower

Postby redroses » Thu Sep 10, 2015 8:16 pm

It seems strange to me your aunt, bride's mom, never responded. Are you sure she got the message? I would think she'd step up to assist brides sister/MOH with her financial part... :dontknow: good that her sister sounds like she's getting involved in the planning anyway. Maybe she needs to be the one to ask her mom for financial help. Yes, sounds like a good idea to be up front about budget and who's covering what so you're not left with surprises.
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Re: Question about who hosts a bridal shower

Postby stlcop10 » Thu Oct 29, 2015 10:08 am

jennelled wrote:
futuremrswheels wrote:Do you think it is acceptable to ask the bride's sister in law (who is not in the wedding) to help out?

I was looking into possibly ordering custom invites online, but most are about $2 per invite which might end up being too costly, since I don't have an invite list at the moment. Does anyone know where I can find pre-made bridal shower invites that match our theme (purple and champagne/nude)?

Yes, I think you could ask her. I know it's traditionally a BM's responsibility, but even if she's not in the wedding, she may appreciate being included in something.

Don't spend that much on invites! You should definitely be able to find something more reasonable at Costco, Sams, Walmart, Vistaprint...


I think you could definitely find pretty, simple invites someplace like Jennelle mentioned so don't order expensive ones online! I think you're right to ask for help, even from family not 'in' the wedding. It sounds like this would be the only chance for many people to celebrate with the bride and I'd be surprised if people weren't willing to help. Maybe some can't contribute financially but surely they could be available to help decorate/set up/etc.?
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